The positivity myth refers to the belief that we must be happy all the time, ignore negative emotions and be positive about everything. The reality is, however, that true wellbeing comes from processing all emotions and building resilience, rather than any sense of forced cheerfulness.
Our Negativity Bias
Research in neuroscience has shown that our brains have a ‘negativity bias’, which means we’re actually hardwired to focus on what’s wrong. We distort our perception of events by placing more emphasis on experiences that went wrong rather than on those that went well. It’s why one upsetting comment can stick with us all day whilst many good things pass unnoticed. This instinct was a good survival trait in prehistoric times; being alert to what might go wrong would be a better approach than being overly optimistic. In today’s world, however, it can leave us stuck in worry and frustration.
The Solution Focused Approach
I work with solution-focused therapy. Whist this approach helps clients focus on what’s good, it’s not all about positivity. Life can be hard and throw us difficult challenges. No one is about to expect you to transform yourself into a beacon of endless joy.
The solution to managing all that worry and frustration isn’t forced positivity or pretending everything is fine. Solution-focused therapy is about small, ordinary and gentle, consistent adjustments. It’s noticing, choosing, and occasionally overriding your brain’s more dramatic instincts. With time, these small shifts accumulate into something substantial, a mind that still encounters problems, but no longer insists on turning each one into a full scale existential drama.
When a solution-focused therapist talks about positivity, they are referring to a mindset focused on finding hope, gratitude and solutions whilst acknowledging reality. In other words, seeing things as they are whilst choosing to focus on what helps. This solution-orientated approach focuses on what’s within your control and actively looking for constructive ways to handle difficult situations.
True positivity gives you permission to be human. It builds hope and resilience, serving as a tool to navigate life’s challenges.
If you would like to find out more about solution-focused therapy, please call 07514 931 096 or email me: carolynspillerhypnotherapy@gmail.com
Appointments are available at my practice in Tiverton in Devon, or online.